Harm's Reach by Alex Barclay

Author:Alex Barclay [Barclay, Alex]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: Fiction, Mystery
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Published: 2014-02-22T05:00:00+00:00

32

Ren could feel Ben gripping her tighter.

Ugh.

As she blinked through her tears, she could see the corner of the Bryce family photo that Annie Lowell had so sweetly hung on the living room wall; Ren’s mom, her dad, her brothers – Jay, Beau and Matt. And Ren, laughing, looking off to one side.

Let’s rewind. I will turn out sane. Beau won’t kill himself. Jay will be … not so ‘Jay’. And Matt will carry on as he was always meant to be.

Ren realized Ben was talking. ‘Baby, it’s OK,’ he was saying, as if she had just told him dinner was running late. ‘It’s OK,’ he was saying again. ‘Don’t cry.’

This man is nuts.

Ren pulled away from him and stared at him. He was smiling.

That smile has no place in this conversation.

‘But … it’s really not OK,’ said Ren.

‘Honestly,’ said Ben. ‘I never would have guessed.’

No trace of sarcasm.

‘You are the first person who has ever said that to me,’ said Ren. ‘Usually, I get “I kind of figured there was something there …”’

Ben shrugged. ‘Nope.’

‘I feel bad,’ said Ren, ‘because I told Matt I didn’t want to tell you because you had taken your seat for The Sane Show.’

‘What – and you didn’t want to ruin my entertainment?’ said Ben.

‘Worse,’ said Ren. ‘I was glad you weren’t aware of the coming attractions.’

Ben laughed. ‘That’s funny, Ren. Don’t feel bad. Are you feeling guilty about that?’

‘Thanks,’ said Ren. ‘But you shouldn’t be cool with this. I mean, I’ve been on mood stabilizers pretty much the entire time we’ve been together. Gary has enforced this. I have no choice—’

‘So, if you had a choice, you wouldn’t be on meds?’ said Ben.

Lie! Lie! For the love of God, lie. ‘If I had a choice, no I wouldn’t be on meds,’ said Ren. ‘I’d be swinging from chandeliers nightly.’

‘Well, I’d never stop you doing that,’ said Ben.

What if I was swinging naked on a wrecking ball?

‘Ben, maybe you don’t know enough about the whole bipolar thing,’ said Ren. ‘Maybe you need to find out more …’

‘Good idea!’ said Ben. ‘And I can buy a crystal ball, a deck of tarot cards, have my palm read, so that all the details of our future will be revealed, so that I can really really walk away with the full facts of how this nightmare of a life with you would have gone if I hadn’t had such a lucky escape! Phew!’

Ren smiled. ‘But I’m not sure you’re really understanding—’

‘You go crazy sometimes, you’re miserable other times,’ said Ben. ‘Big deal. Aren’t we all like that?’

Nooo. ‘No,’ said Ren. Really. No. Not like this.

‘Ren, you be who you have to be, I’ll be me, and we’ll work out the rest when it shows up.’

The paranoia, the suspicion, the extra helpings of crazy …

‘I’m good with this,’ said Ben. ‘Don’t worry. This isn’t a terminal illness diagnosis, this is manageable.’

Uh-oh.

‘It is a nightmare of a life for the other person,’ said Ren. ‘I’ve been there.’

‘Not with me you haven’t,’ said Ben.

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